Chosen Control, Earned Trust

I want to live this lifestyle more than ever before. I explored it briefly years ago, but now I’m more open and more aware of what I want.

I want to do what he wants me to do.
I want to push my limits—not in a harmful way, but in a way that feels intentional and desired. Doing what he wants turns me on, even if I can’t always explain why.

The control and power I want to give him isn’t about him overpowering me. It’s because I want him to have it. I need him to have it. That choice is mine.

If he wanted me to be with other men, I would be willing.
If he wanted to watch me with other men, I would be willing.

I want to dress sexier for him.
I would wear whatever he asked me to wear—for him, or even for someone else if that was what he wanted.

If he told me to do something, I would do it—or accept the punishment. I’ll admit that sometimes the punishment is even more exciting. Pain can be pleasurable to me, especially when it comes from him exerting control and showing ownership over what is his.

I’ve had dreams about him setting up cameras in my room—watching me, talking to me through them, telling me what to do.
Telling me what to wear and what not to wear.
Telling me to go to the parking lot during my shift and make myself cum for him.
Telling me to take pictures of my body at work—my tits, my ass, in a thong or bare.

The idea of being watched by one of his friends while doing things for him excites me.
Letting pictures and videos be taken of me excites me.

Giving up control to him is an intense turn-on for me.
Being punished turns me on.
I crave being controlled.

No one really understands this.
Even writing it makes me wet.

I’m willing to try things outside my comfort zone, even things that aren’t part of my existing fantasies.

But this kind of dynamic requires trust. You’re giving your whole self to someone—physically and emotionally—and that can be powerful in both good and bad ways. I need to trust that the person I submit to will always prioritize my safety and well-being.

I do currently have one boundary: I don’t want another woman involved in person. I’ve been in a situation where I gave myself completely to someone, only to be suddenly replaced. That kind of loss makes the fear much stronger when another woman is involved. I want to one day get back to a place where I can trust again, but trust takes time. Eventually, it will happen.

Trust is everything.